Yin & Yang Lost their Spots.
(See Yin & Yang’s Spots Roll Away)
Have you ever been angry at a friend or family member that tried to initiate a mediation between you & another friend because the two of you were arguing & by nature both immovable objects, opposite, identical or otherwise? Have you chewed them out or laid into them & then later found yourself apologizing because it turned out they were actually right to try & help &, though you couldn’t see it at the time, in your eyes now realize had they not had the courage to stand up & be counted as the objective voice of reason & emotional evolution with both of you that said friend or family members wouldn’t even be in each other’s lives anymore because your conflict would’ve had no perspective or lubricant? Do you now realize that some poeple are yin, some are yang & other are the opposite spots on both sides? People who can see & understand the bigger picture because there are the outsiders within? They can see the mountain & the trees & how they work together & why they need each other. People without whom we would be separate & less than whole. The people we know who see these things will always be there & always care…keep them close, for once they are gone you may find your self without a moral compass companion.
Never be dismissive of a friend who approaches conflict & frisson bearing solutions instead of problems. These people, often the misfits, are the grease that keeps friendships civil & in working order…even in times of conflict. If you have been dismissive & aggro towards these individuals for simply trying to help, did you ever apologize for hurting them? Did you ever, without asking, think about them & intuit a deed of kindness for them? No matter how they look in the Yin & Yang they are not small nor insignificant…they are literally & almost contently trapped, always there stuck & immovable from the heart of you. Lying flat they look like they will always be there for you. It’s exactly then, when you think you can take them for granted (not with malice; it’s just that they’ve always been a part of you & you’ve learned to expect their presence), that life picks you up & what happens…they fall out of your life, existence…your yin & your yang. Why did they fall out? Because they are only strong when you’re wise enough to see their value & strong enough hold onto them or hold them up with you as you rise. They only stay with you when you support them otherwise they fall out & roll away.
Are you cold to them, or a bully to them, or aloof or are you simply negligent with their feeelngs; keeping them in the back of your mind & never bringing them to the fore. Why? Because you think they have nowhere to go but to sit right where you want them…immersed in you your world…your conflicts…your problems…your triumphs and successes as part of your own personal captive audience with no real respect for their opinions or feelings.
Are you stoic to them from the outside because you can’t cop to a guilt you know is there & still carry; ignoring the wiser part of yourself that judges you for how you treat them? The guilt of being pridefully flippant while knowing you’re wrong to neglect these powerfully precious small things, these people who can see into the heart of others, empathize with others & understand even the most outrageous points of view because they themselves are always looking at the hearts of things…the roots of conflict & the sources of opinions. Do you mask that guilt?…measuring them by metrics that aren’t applicable to them so that you can assuage your guilt because by those metrics they fail to meet high standards that don’t even apply to them? Do you even appreciate that you are the one they’re protecting in conflict or do you only see that they are less than you by the standards of those metrics that preemptively exclude them? Do you measure them by whether you have more than them, are prettier than them, richer than them, happier than them, etc. Instead of seeing them as they are…instead of through the lense of who you are? Do you give them credit for literally forming the bond that holds people together…these “Grey Area Dwellers” are the inbetween hues that hold opposites colors together on the wheel. They are our glue…slow to fight, quick to forgive. Do you even notice the assets they bring out in your own character? Are they a helpful family member or worried friend you only half listen to? Well, I admit, maybe I’m wrong about this whole concepts these bridge builders but do you really think I am? The best friends we have, sadly, are the ones you never call. The healthiest people or relationships in our lives sometimes are the ones we don’t nurture at all because we see them as periphery …structures…rusted in fixtures & stone chimneys that aren’t going anywhere. When, in fact, the whole relies on them to stick together. The only things that retains form & shape after a fire are fixtures & chimneys.
Anger at another simply for the act of intervening in a problem or conflict zone between two parties they both know better than they know the circumstances of their conflict, welcomed for their diplomatic efforts by both parties hearing nothing the Third Party has to say, which could be exactly the collection of words that conflict is missing to help it roll onto resolution & restitution.
It’s as bad as judging by people by only one side of a story…the one someone told you…& the other half you don’t bother putting in the effort to find & hear before passing judgement.
A good metaphor would be that it’s like being mad at A Hammer or A Battle Axe for building a house or chopping wood. It’s dehumanizing to the person you have a disagreement with & it’s incorrect.
When an entry party intervenes in a conflict zone they are acting as one of two things…they are either creating with a hammer or rending things inert with an axe. They are forces of unity or separation.
If you need to judge. Judge only by the Entry Party’s Behavior…are they fixing up your house or “space of communication” by hammering away to make forward progress…or rendering communication moot by cleaving & hewing at the space between the two people or people in general. In essence, are they a wrecker or a builder…a breaker or a fixer?
ALL THAT SAID, THE CAVEATS & EXCEPTION THAT PROVE THE RULE…
UNLESS THEY ARENT FAMILY OR “CHOSEN” FAMILY. (Because you have no clue what’s going on with two strangers…so mind ya business.)
or…
UNLESS THOSE PEOLE ARE MARRIED When two people are married…there’s a “spookey action at a distance“, as Albert Einstein would say, there that prevents any outside help other than solicited or professional. From this Social “Spookey Action” When Distant you will find in those that fall into the couples’ orbit: repression, inhibition, the thing what breaks a person, communities & hearts because the Spookey Action & its ability to keep everyone at arms length in a conflict leaves people to their creative minds & the very little they know about the conflict. This is where gossip, malice, innuendo & unfair judgment thrive. Almost all children grow up in a constant conflict zone (no matter how well handled or healthy the environment) they they are not really able or allowed to understand or be a party to conflicts because of the “spooky action” of a marriage contract.
So in the end openness to the help of those closest to you-let them in!…A better appreciation of the poeple you serially take for granted-think about what a bar graph of communication initiated by each of you would look like, how embarrassing for you as a human being, show them they are appreciated, reach out first for once!…& unsolicited, random acts of kindness to make the lonely in your orbit feel less so & just turning of the damn
ed judgment function in your brain when it’s screaming to be a bitch or a bastard! should make for happier circles of friends, family & loved ones AND, if you’ve absorbed any of what you just read at all, a very evolved, happy & productive new year with far less hurdles than you’re conditioned to expect.
Happy 2018
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L.B.Stowe 