Author: lbstowe

Choix Mortel

My old life doesn’t recognize me it knows of me no more.
I’ve tread water for years in the center of the river ‘tween Stix’s narrow shores.
Between the shore of the old life & the shores along the new.
I’ve been stuck in decision in the middle waters…such a black shade of blue.

My hesitance traversing along to the banks of my new life; across from where I was just alive…
I can’t take anything or anyone but those who understand a life dying, while, only the self survives.

Try as I may to let go & swim naked with naught but character, soul & skin.
Th Stix’s water’s thick as quicksand & I’m at risk of drowning if I don’t just fucking swim.

Hades has been patient with me while I learn to embrace the new life awaiting me…
See, He has no claim on me for the world of my life only died but the soul is still ‘en vie’.
Yet, He notes my weighty grief for what is dead & gone-& if I drown, I’ll be claimed gladly.

So, I must decide while my head’s above “water” & I’ve established, just barely, I live.
Now, I must paddle to shore, clothe my skin in its sand & see what a “New Life” can give.
I’ve got my character, skin, my soul & good friends; if “New Life” can just lend me a voice.
If happiness is earned & what I’ve to say is truly heard, I can deal with my mortal choice.

I can choose to move on from a dead world…
As long as I find my voice & as long as my voice will be heard.

Ajar

Please take me, oh please take me far away from this place.
Save me from this catacomb & its indeterminable pace.
Carry me while you can to somewhere open somewhere wide.
Someplace where windows aren’t just things I see from the inside.
Release me from this distant place, this lavish gilded cage.
Help me find escape outside & not just on this page.
Pry me from my chair for it has rusted where it sits.
Bring magic oil for my poor joints to lose their coltish fits.
Someone stand beside me…be my walking, talking cane.
Teach me how to walk again & share some of my pain.
Shield me from this constant storm. Let me hold you in the sun.
Let me lean against your sturdy frame. Hold me up so I can run.
Help me pass this shallow breath that ticks the box which says I live.
Take me where I’ll huff & heave to catch the air you give.
Show me what it is to laugh for I’ve forgotten how.
Tell me I can do it all. Tell me I can leave right now.
But this is all a fantasy for you do not exist.
You’re a relished figment standing firm in reality’s crushing midst.
I cannot do a single thing that I’ve listed here thus far.
My life ceased to tick & lies broken with its workings all ajar.
This is who I am now & oh how I wish it were true.
That I could unlock this wretched door & walk right through with you.
This fantasy & reality are pressed full flush & in between’s just mesh.
Each will leak into the other but you will never be made flesh.