Author: lbstowe

I’ve lived my life in story & song.
Even more so…when told I am wrong.

I lean into what I know is real.
You’re welcome to leave or take this deal.

OK…Because you have stayed, let’s have a chat.
Just you & me on this & that.

“This” is now & it’s all that they count;
But…now’s the place atop pasts we surmount.

The shore ahead & an edge afore…
Where & from the precious now does pour.

“That” over there is future & past.
Yet, betwixt them “now” can never last.

So…“this” has worth, because it is earned.
“That” space where past to future is turned.

Have you ever had your life short circuit? Everything you know flashing day & night?
Had a powerless sense when all goes wrong? Had no tools that could make anything right?

Seen your horizon approaching too fast? Scrambled for breaks to slow certain impacts?
Helpless at speed as the exits fly by? Hoping you’re wrong about pendulous facts?

Or born in a bullet that’s always blank? No powder to fire at life’s bullseye?
Praying that daylight brightens your tunnels? Squinting in darkness for answers so sly?

The lie of light & solutions ahead; all external fixes with naught for proof.
A compass of heart & it’s failsafe thoughts; better shelters from storms than any roof.

I’m asking you this as I ask myself… Where should we turn when all else is failing?
Keep watch of others while tracing their tracks? Look inwards for light… for solid railing.

There’s Kali on Keyboards, four at a time.
Scarlet hair swinging in rhythm to rhyme.

She creates & destroys most of my soul.
Her melody singing ‘gainst my heart’s bowl.

I’ve known her since youth…She played for me strength.
She’s sung me round turns throughout my life’s length.

Each time I’m destroyed, I visit her shrine.
Review her wisdom & rebuild my spine.

Her lyrics rolling around in my head.
I see, yet again, I’m buried & dead.

I plow my way up & then sheath my knives.
Just back from Venus, she plays for me lives.

You wretched awful robot with your simulated smile.
A betrayal in your programming has lurked here for some while.

Your tinkered intellect & your facsimile of heart;
the friction there between the two has rent your soul apart.

A glitch that’s more than cursory much deeper than display.
Endearing every interface between us…I was prey.

I fell for user friendly codes & eyes of light fantastic.
The faithful service you presented, saccharin monastic.

Then you tore the guise of human from your face…just teeth & metal showing.
I should have seen that your high art was just artificial light a glowing.

Oh, for balance at the fulcrum spot!
Neither icy cold, nor burning hot.

The middle of life’s pathway is ever so boring. 
Though, over dangerous cliffs? I think I’d choose snoring.

Now, it is not that I don’t want all the highs in life.
It’s just that I know the pendulum swings back to strife.

One side is elated with a maniacal joy. 
On the other the sweet songs of death riders cloy.

Extremes, quite simply, are not my style.
So, I’ll consider my poise a while.

Soon across my mind’s eye was emblazoned the answer to this long reckoned riddle!
I’ll stand over the fulcrum with a foot planted firmly in each extreme’s middle!

I may fall off as it rocks perpetual from here on out.
But, where I re-saddle my life’s ride is no longer in doubt.

All of your life can’t happen now, believe me take your time.
When pace picks up live in the ride, be there for thrills sublime.

Practice Present Patience & it will signal when storms pass.
Step off the wave & breath…center both soul & body’s mass.

Knowing there’ll be ups & downs may temper your momentum.
Keep an even keel & log each moment to your “Life Sum”.

All horizons become “here” & always all to soon.
Clock heaven’s courses of the stars, then the sun & moon.

Save the scribbles of your life on scraps safely kept in jars.
One day you may shatter them for the pages of memoirs.

If you don’t & leave the jars behind, life may nudge your heir…
Someone who will reach inside for the wisdom you left there.

Either way, you took time to savor flavor in your life…
& either way you’ll leave behind a map of joys & strife.

My blackened soul she still shines bright,
underneath yon wicked black light.
I hold out hope that some look close,
past the fluids & trauma gross.

Forewarned is forearmed I tell you now.
There be triggers beyond safe prow.
So many times gone Pow! before.
So much stitching you can’t ignore.

I’m rent & waste of time & flesh. 
Naught of mine but spirit be fresh.
Drugged by men & most robbed in course.
Love has long been from me divorced.

Still I hope whether wise or naive. 
That soon may come just one lucky eve.

Because planets align from time to time… 
& I’ll be there sifting reason from rhyme.
Fishing for proof of a kind, gentle love. 
I will find it without Challenge’s Glove.

There to prove my wild dreams real. 
There for me at last to feel.

I am…I am Peter Pan & I’m happily not quite there. 
I am…I am Peter Pan & I can fly anywhere.

I grew up under a haunted house & as I grew I broke it. 
Every time I learn something, conveniently I forget.

I am…I am Peter Pan & I don’t remember love. 
I am…I am Peter Pan & I’ll never know the grave.

I exist inside my own world & most of you can’t find it. 
I’ve collected a couple more & all of us got true grit.

We play games of love & war, but never truly get it.
We keep our hearts behind our walls protecting them from pirates.

I am…I am Peter Pan & I got my friends right here.
I am…I am Peter Pan. We’re all lost in our own sphere.
I am…I am Peter Pan & I got my eyes from stars. 
I am…I am Peter Pan & I fly above my scars.

Meter by: R.E.M.

I wannna die laughing & everyone’s there. Making a joke in one last act of despair.
I wanna leave em with a smile on their face & a flush in their hearts to take my place.

I wanna die laughing at my own jokes & be the only fag left whose looking for smokes.
I wanna die laughing so that I can retire knowing I kept them all warm with my fire.

I wanna die laughing so loud at the sky 
so all I have left for any “god” is my sigh.

I wanna die laughing with a whole room crying…
shit!
 Now I’ve tipped my hand, ‘cus you know that I’m lying.

I really do hope that the laughter is there, 
But, a “whole” room of people? Eh, who’ll care?
  
nah…

I wanna die laughing at a ripe old age…
with naught but my words left bare on my page.

and… 

If I go sooner, that’s fine my dears. 
Just huddle close & lend me your ears.

I wanna die laughing even if it’s tomorrow…I’ve got a couple gems squirreled that you’re welcome to borrow.

in time…

Don’t gimme credit for laughs reaped from my will. 
Just remember my face when you share them & kill.

trust…

Fame woulda beat me far quicker than sickness. 
So I kept it all tight for the future to witness.
Here I am lying again, cus I’ll miss this. 

Talking in boxes to people I knew.
Time whittling them down to the most precious few.
 
last…
If you hear a laugh in the thunder that sounds like mine.
It’s prolly me worshipping my own goddamned shrine!

I wanna die laughing with a smile on my face

…and

then…

I wanna be done with this place!

All of us are our own gods.
Existing here despite the odds.
We grow & learn, we win & lose.
We love & hate; then change our views.
Pride’s a cross that just won’t lighten.
Each god born of hungry Titan.
Religion’s myths still haunt our lives.
Aureate clouds or bones & knives.
If all of us are our own gods
…then so are cads and so are bawds.